I sat side by side with my parents-in-law on chairs, my ex-husband glanced at me, didn’t say anything, and continued pacing anxiously. I sat on the chair, listening to the sound of their prayers in my ears. I thought and thought, but couldn’t think of what I wanted to pray for.

I love reality, I want what the Dao wants. I don’t know whether life or death is better for my daughter. If she dies, it means her time has come, what’s there to pray for?

Life or death is real, it has its own way of operating, and no one can control it. Except for a dream, nothing has really been born. We imagine what state we will be in after death, whether it is an existence or non-existence, but all of these are only stories in our minds. These stories have no other purpose except to scare us, they are all hearsay.

In the end, my daughter died, and her body was pushed out of the operating room. The doctor expressed regret and said my daughter was so pitiful to leave the world at such a young age. My ex-husband was out of control, my father-in-law said nothing, and my mother-in-law wept bitterly. She grabbed my arm and screamed at me, blaming me for not praying devotedly enough.

I stared blankly at my daughter, holding her for the last time. I heard myself saying, "Qianqian, I love you so much. You are a gift from heaven. Thank you for coming into my life. You are the most beautiful gift in my life, always bringing me comfort, joy, encouragement, confidence, and unconditional love. Thank you! I am so lucky to have you by my side. Now that you have gone, I feel so sad, but I know it is the best for you because it has already happened. Now no one can separate us, you will live in my heart, always with me! "

Tomorrow is Monday, I need to go to work and get some rest early. I saw a white paper sticking out of my bag and suddenly remembered the report of my advanced cancer diagnosis. I took it out, crumpled it up, and casually tossed it into the trash can.

I took off all my clothes and went into the bathroom to prepare for a shower. I looked up and saw an unidentified bug crawling on the wall. I quickly grabbed a tissue and wrapped it around the bug, throwing it into the toilet. As I pushed the button, the water in the toilet spun rapidly, washing everything away, including myself.

Then I suddenly realized what I had just done. Should I feel guilty for killing a bug? Did I really do it? Who wrapped the bug in the tissue and threw it into the toilet without my awareness? Was it me? I shook my head and smiled, covering the toilet lid with a plastic bag to prevent the sprinkler from wetting it.

I was excited because I could take a shower now. The showerhead was turned on, and the water drops fell on my body, opening up my heart and bringing peace and happiness. Reality is the most beautiful dream, what could be more important than bathing at this moment? Nothing, because I am bathing. Why do I need to add any importance to other things? Looking at my body in the mirror, it looks like it’s in the perfect state, and I smile. I know this is the most perfect state of this body as I gently wipe it.

Time passed by bit by bit, and I pushed open the bathroom door, walking out wearing a pink bathrobe. A fresh, elegant, and fragrant scent wafted over me, and I bathed again in the soft moonlight. I am grateful for this experience of tranquility, but there’s nothing I can do, only a silent “thank you” seems to have existed.

In the early morning, I woke up from a dreamless sleep. I put the beautiful red shoes back into their packaging bag, ready to find a suitable owner for them, after all, I don’t like to waste them. After a simple wash-up, make-up, and room cleaning, I walked out of the door.

The street outside the apartment was a small alley, and every morning, there were food stalls opening up, which was quite convenient for me. I walked slowly on the road, the sunshine shining gently through the thin mist, sprinkled on the earth. The morning breeze blew, the branches swayed lightly, and a few small birds chirped crisply. I walked, watched, and listened. At this moment, I became a branch in the breeze, became a small bird flying happily. This is my voice, this is my movement, and they start and end with me.

“Good morning, Sister Zhuang!”

“Oh, Morning, Wei! Do you still want a small bowl of wonton?”

“Well, I want pork and celery filling today.”

“Okay, it’ll be ready in a minute. Please have a seat first.”

“Okay.”

The food stalls were all facing the street. The shopkeepers would place a few tables and plastic stools nearby for guests to eat. As there were competitors nearby, they often used the method of calling out to attract customers. The shout-outs, the fragrant smells, and the crowds passing by always left me with an endless aftertaste.

There were already many people in the shed. As the space was limited, even if the customers didn’t know each other, they would sit together in pairs. I randomly found a table to sit at, opposite a sixty-year-old grandfather who was eating a hot pie. He nodded at me when I sat next to him, which was considered a greeting, and then continued to eat the pie.

I smiled at him, in response. We had no intention of talking to each other, yet we were both friendly. It felt like fish swimming in the water, accidentally bumping into another fish, and then going their separate ways. For others, this may be a trivial matter. But for me, it was a wonderful experience. I had waited 35 years just to meet this old man. How could I not be moved? Even though he was a stranger, even though we only met once, even though we didn’t say a word to each other.

“Wei,  this is your wonton. Also, try this homemade side dish. It’s delicious!”

“Mmm, so tasty! Thank you, Sister Zhuang!”

“You are welcome! Eat up, I have to go back to work.”

Sister Zhuang was a lively and enthusiastic middle-aged woman in her forties. She ran this food stall by herself without hiring any assistants. While others watched and considered it tiring, she worked with great enthusiasm, as if she had unlimited energy.

Customers here were supposed to serve themselves, but I was an exception. I once told her that I would get the food myself and she only needed to call out, as her stall was quite busy, and she was the only one working. She smiled and nodded every time, but when I came back again, she still brought the food to me. After a few times, I stopped saying anything and could only silently thank her in my heart.